My Semi-Secret Struggle

Girl crying beside a river
This post is one that I’ve wanted to write since I started this blog. Until today, I haven’t had the courage to hit publish.

My name is Briana Morgan, and I suffer from depression.

I’ve been battling the blues since I was seventeen. As days of sadness turned into weeks and months and even years, I tried to wrap my mind around this new reality. When would I feel better? When would I be cured? Would the existential loneliness ever go away?

The short answer to these questions was never and no. I don’t mean to say that my depression hasn’t gotten better over time, or that I don’t have good days, but one of the biggest misconceptions about depression is that it happens once and disappears. Like any chronic illness, depression can rear its ugly head at any time, without warning or explanation.

I’ve done a lot of things in the past few years that have forced me to step outside my comfort zone and test my personal limits. Studying abroad in London, graduating from college, moving to a new state, and living on my own are all experiences that have definitely changed me as a person. These adventures have made me a stronger, more well-balanced individual, but they haven’t entirely cured me.

One of my favorite ways to cope with depression is through writing. I’m sure many other writers feel the same way, and Ksenia Anske even wrote a blog post about it. I also like watching movies, listening to music, and going for walks to take my mind off whatever I’m dealing with at the moment.

I’m going through a rough patch, but I’m not giving up. I’m going to keep fighting. I’ve come too far to back down now.

If you’re suffering from depression, please know you’re not alone. I’m writing this post to help break some of the stigma, and to make it clear that you can still be successful when you’re feeling worthless. A lot of people seem to think I’m one of the most positive, productive people in the world, but that’s not always the case. As long as I keep moving, I’ll consider that success.

Have you ever struggled with depression? What are your tips for dealing with it?

In a raw, personal blog post, @brianawrites reveals her semi-secret struggle. What are you struggling with? (Click to tweet)

11 Comments

  • stephen moran

    this sounds like a post I might have put on a blog (no blogs in those days) when I was your age. At that time, *the* narrator was Ray Holden – and all his novels are in some way or other about depression, including the most important work of my twenties – Preface to a Suicide – a longish rant on depression, futility, and other thoughts that plague so many writers especially.

    I can tell you this – it gets better. It really does.

      • stephen moran

        and like your post – I always struggled with publishing ‘Preface’ and in fact still have yet to do so even though it’s SO integral to the story and explains literally every single plot ‘hole’ in Ella. It’s just a painful novel to read again, never mind publish. Thanks for the courage of posting this to your blog.

  • Brett Michael Orr

    This is a very real, very raw and emotional piece. I think I understand you just a little better, and I have to say you have incredible bravery and fortitude to face this and keeping going as strongly as you do in life. You’re on of the most driven people I know, and very rarely do I ever see you falter. You have what Aussies call “true grit” – the spirit of the underdog, the fighter, that no matter when life hits you down, you get back up and hit life harder.
    Thank you for sharing. <3

  • Fatema

    Oh Briana your courage is so inspirational. Thank you for sharing this with the world. I’m so tired of people being stigmatised by these labels. I love this current movement in fiction that address that. Labels aren’t what we think they are, we can break out of those categories and rise above the challenges we face, and this post is one of those beautiful things.
    You are a talented soul and I’ve enjoyed reading your blog since I’ve come across it. Keep fighting and riding the tide, there are so many good things to come your way. I can sense it!

    With Love, Fatema | http://creativeinthearts.blogspot.co.uk

  • Rae Oestreich

    I find it so inspirational when people take that leap and have the courage to tell the world what they’re going through. It’s so easy for people to only see one side of someone – the side that says everything’s going well – and then miss the side that the same someone hides, the one behind closed doors where they’re constantly battling uphill.
    Thanks for sharing, Briana <3

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